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Literature
[7]
i.
I detest the smell of
wet dirt and white lilies
on a sunday afternoon
because they remind me
of Death and his friends
and they're not the cool kids
on the block that I wanna be
involved with.
ii.
my poetry reeks
of unrequited love and
cosmic kisses
but I can’t help but wonder if
one day I’ll put my money
where my mouth is
and make those words
come true.
iii.
from the day I was
born till the day I die
I’ll have iron clad chains
shackled to my ankles
and a noose made
of dollar bills wrapped
around my neck.
iv.
sometimes I
wish I had a crystal ball
so that I could see
the path ahead of me
because sometimes
Literature
The Truth
I can put my feelings in a poem
Share them with someone I don't know
But I can't meet face to face
With someone I see everyday
And tell them
The truth
Literature
Gone Wishing
Tread carefully, the broken sod;
Treacherous, the land of nod
Catch your winks and blink away
The cobwebs on the brink of day.
Silver sails the sea of dreams
Where straying stars collect, it seems
Schooling wishes rise, and yet
We cast at last for empty net.
Time and tide will wait for none
This dreamboat sailing for the sun
Castaway the farther shore
The sirens sing us down for more.
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Contest entry to the TheWritersHaven's The Seven Deadly Sins.
In this flash fiction is the concept of wrath is presented in a different manner than what is commonly associated by it. The most important theme is the duality.
My feedback questions:
1.) Is the symbolism well portrayed?
2.) Is the length sufficient?
3.) Does the fiction have good word choice?
4.) Is the foundation strong?
5.) Is the message strong and presented well?
Constructive criticism and feedback are greatly appreciated.
© 2015 - 2024 Madremonte
Comments27
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Interpreting this poem, the first image is Uriel, angel of the Earth element,
and having associations with the underworld, an angel who lives underground.
I thought it was Michael, the angel of Fire, who carried a sword?
Not sure what the borealis is meant to symbolize. Something that shifts in the sky?
Heavenly lights, perhaps?
The last line is a sentence fragment. You don't need periods at the end of each
line to indicate a pause or a reflection on the line, that is the purpose of ending
the line and going to the next one. So the period after "inferior" is distracting,
especially since the thought continues on the last line, since the last line reflects
on the second to last line.
I like the alliteration with "inflict", "illuminate", and "inferior".
There is an element of duality, with the character reflecting on how they are of
the kin of the "inferiors" yet also somehow above them enough to punish them.
and having associations with the underworld, an angel who lives underground.
I thought it was Michael, the angel of Fire, who carried a sword?
Not sure what the borealis is meant to symbolize. Something that shifts in the sky?
Heavenly lights, perhaps?
The last line is a sentence fragment. You don't need periods at the end of each
line to indicate a pause or a reflection on the line, that is the purpose of ending
the line and going to the next one. So the period after "inferior" is distracting,
especially since the thought continues on the last line, since the last line reflects
on the second to last line.
I like the alliteration with "inflict", "illuminate", and "inferior".
There is an element of duality, with the character reflecting on how they are of
the kin of the "inferiors" yet also somehow above them enough to punish them.